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Dealing with Dealbreakers

The range of dating dealbreakers can stretch from minor (He chews with his mouth full.) to huge, like he wants kids and you don’t. Dealing with dealbreakers can be tough because you need to use logic in a very emotional situation.

Let’s face it, when someone meets your criteria of being an awesome dancer, a strong athlete, a man who can charm your mother and he enjoys romantic comedies as much as you do, you might be willing to turn the other way when he chews mid chat. But what if you discover, late one night, as you lay together in the aftermath of the most amazing sex you’ve had since…well, ever – that he doesn’t want children? If you’ve known the names of your boy and girl (Collin and Grace) since the sixth grade, you may have just have a dealbreaker on your hands.

So, what to do?

First, talk about it with your partner. How concerned does he seem? Does the thought of losing you darken his mood? Does he express worry over it? Does he bend a little on the dealbreaker?

For example, LuciousLush’s new beau is allergic to cats and she is madly in love with her tabby. Anyone with animal allergies understands what an awful situation this is. But her new guy is taking steps and allergy meds to deal with the dealbreaker. Just this past weekend, he medicated himself before attending a holiday party at her place and spending the night. To their delight, he suffered very few allergy symptoms.

While this story has a happy ending, the beautiful part is that he was willing to try and work with the situation. This says a lot about how he feels about her.

On the flipside, I once dated a guy who snored. I mean, really SNORED. So loudly, that sleeping in the same room was not an option. So much that even in another room, I had to wear earplugs. We all know how important sleep is. So I told him that the snoring was serious problem. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with a partner I couldn’t cuddle up with at night. He said he’d talk to a doctor. He said he’d get on exercise regimen to find out if dropping some weight would help.

But he never did either of those things. Since that said a lot about how he felt about me, I moved on.

So, when it comes to dealing with dealbreakers, don’t focus only on the dealbreaker itself and the impending relationship doom it could harbor. Instead, focus on how your partner does or doesn’t deal with the issue.

That may just tell you all you need to know.

What are some dealbreakers you’ve had to face? How did you deal with them?

xoxo,

FD

Comments

  1. LuciousLush

    December 26, 2012

    I am so happy you included my story in your post! I just need to add that it’s also important to meet him halfway whenever possible. In this instance, yes indeed he did dose up on allergy meds so that he could stay over, BUT I also made an effort to (finally) do a decent vacuum job on the whole house to make sure cat hair was at a minimum. Because I want him to come over again and again and again, I will probably have a sparkling clean house from now on! And thank goodness I don’t have to choose between my cat and a good man!

  2. LaLaLoopsie

    December 26, 2012

    My big dealbreaker? Someone who won’t respond to my texts. I know, I know, it’s so silly to be caught up in texting and stuff, but I think it’s a pretty good measure of a guy’s interest if he can’t even be bothered to respond to my messages. I am not expecting someone to just drop everything at all times in order to answer my OMG LOLs – I just think maybe a response within the same day would be nice. You would be amazed at how many guys I have thought were into me who exposed their real feelings by ignoring me for days (even weeks… months?) on end in text-land.

  3. loonie

    December 27, 2012

    Gotta have good table manners. No food in your mouth conversatons!

Reply to LaLaLoopsie

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