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Fantasy Dater Question: Why Won’t He Call Me His Girlfriend?

First Impression

Before we deep dive into the murky waters of why the guy you’re dating doesn’t call you his “girlfriend,” ask yourself, do you really want him to?

Strip away what anybody else thinks or what you’re “supposed to be doing” after seeing each other for two, six or however many months. Think about whether or not you want to be his girlfriend.

Does he meet all your non-negotiables? Is he everything you want in a boyfriend? Because there’s no need to get anxious over something if he’s not the right guy for you.

If you are absolutely sure you want to be his girlfriend and he’s not referring to you that way, it’s possible that he might not be that interested in you.

When a guy is crazy about you, he will tell everyone he knows about his amazing girlfriend. So, if he’s not labeling you, chances are, this guy enjoys things just the way they are – non committal.

Knowing that, the last thing you should do is try to get him to commit. Nobody likes to be forced into anything. And nothing will make your man run faster than telling him, “We need to talk.”

Having that “What are we doing?” talk is a huge turn off. (Not to mention a flashback to high school.) It’s not only smothering, but it can make you appear needy and not very confident. So, whatever you do, don’t initiate that painfully awkward conversation. It will only lead to disaster.

Instead, just enjoy yourself. Guys love fun. They don’t love drama or needy chicks. If you two have a good time together, keep having a good time. But at the same time, be open. Remember, finding love is a numbers game, so continue Fantasy Dating. If another guy asks you on a date, go. And if the guy you’ve been dating suddenly seems concerned, tell him you didn’t think the two of you were exclusive.

He’ll get the hint. If he really likes you, he’ll claim you. If he likes you just enough to hang out every so often, you get to decide if that’s enough for you. But if you’d rather be in a committed relationship with one person, move on and make room for that person.


  1. JillP

    December 10, 2013

    Just the idea of having “the talk” makes me sick. I did that a few times in my 20′s. I felt like I had to know “where we stood.” Every time, the guy houdinied. The bottom line is if the guy isn’t feeling it, you’ll know. It’s up to you to move on.

    • fdadmin

      December 10, 2013

      You make an excellent point! When someone isn’t that into you, you will know. It’s those unsettled, weird feelings that inspire you to have “the talk” – because you don’t know where you stand. It’s up to us not to ignore those internal alarms and instead recognize them as signs to find someone who let us know exactly where we stand.

  2. Bill S.

    December 10, 2013

    If I don’t refer to someone as my girlfriend right away, it’s because I’m getting to know that person. It doesn’t necessarily mean I’m not that into her. Women are crazy about labels. They have to know if we’re “going out” or “exclusive” or whatever label they’re looking for.

    We just want to get to know you and be sure before we take you public. You ladies need to ease up. Stop rushing. When we rush in really fast and then discover a few months later that the girl isn’t the person we thought she was, the break up is even more brutal. My advice? SLOW DOWN.

    • fdadmin

      December 10, 2013

      Bill, thank you for your comment. You make great points. You’re right, rushing in only makes things harder. Falling from great heights hurts a lot, right? Your advice about taking our time and not worrying so much about labels is right on. Cheers to you!

  3. Amie Leadingham

    December 10, 2013

    It is so important that each person knows what they require to make them happy in a relationship, as you stated the “non-negotiables.” If you find yourself having to compromise in this area then you are negotiating your happiness. Why would you ever want to do that? I definitely agree it is important to take your time and making sure this person meets your non-negotiables. Rushing into a unhappy relationship is always a bad idea. Instead make sure this person is right for you and fits into your relationship goals. Otherwise you are just wasting your time dating someone that isn’t on the same page.

    • fdadmin

      December 11, 2013

      Amie, we love your advice! So true, why would you ever want to negotiate your happiness? Words to live by. Thank you for chiming in!

  4. LaLaLoopsie

    December 11, 2013

    I am always prompted by the (usually unexpected) need for a label, like when I am talking about him and realize that the most comfortable term that springs to mind is “boyfriend”. Then I sort of want his approval before using that, which then kind of leads to the whole girlfriend question (if he’s my boyfriend, am I not automatically his girlfriend?). And I don’t think of it as a huge relationship milestone or a big sign of commitment – it’s just a very convenient word. But, alas, most guys don’t see it the same way I do, I guess.

    • fdadmin

      December 11, 2013

      Hey LaLaLoopsie! Thanks for your comment. I get what you’re saying. It can sometimes be a situation in which there’s much ado about nothing. If it talks like a boyfriend and walks like a boyfriend, it’s a boyfriend, right? ;)

  5. Singles Warehouse

    January 15, 2014

    Sometimes people get into ‘the plce’ before the other. But I have to say it’s normally just a word – but it does matter!

  6. Marbear

    February 14, 2014

    I am really loving these blog articles but I must say that sometimes it might be hard for a guy to bring up such a conversation as well. I don’t think having a “what are we doing,” conversation will always come off bad or needy- but it needs to be said in a mature, non accusatory way- which is super easy!!!

    My boyfriend and I had the talk as a matter of logistics. People began referring to him as my boyfriend and me as his girlfriend before we even did- but we were just too busy have so much fun getting to know each other that it wasn’t important. Finally I said, “It makes me uncomfortable when people label us and we haven’t done the labeling, can we talk about it?” His response was, “I assumed we already were.” :)

    Men are sometimes less detail oriented and bringing up a subject that bothers you makes you a strong and confident woman, NOT needy and dramatic!

    • fdadmin

      February 14, 2014

      Hey Marbear! We love that you’re digging the posts. You are absolutely right, you can have “the talk” without seeming needy. It’s all about the delivery. The way you handled it with your BF was awesome. Love that he assumed you “already were.” That says a lot about how naturally your relationship was progressing. Nice work!

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