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How to Stop Worrying About What He’s Thinking and Focus on Yourself

Every day, women get to our Fantasy Dating site because they search phrases like, “Is he into me?” “Why won’t he call me his ‘girlfriend’?” and “Should I call him?” While we’re glad to be able to provide answers to those questions, the frequency of those searches is somewhat alarming.

Why are we, as women, so worried about what guys are thinking?

What if, instead of worrying about whether or not he likes you, you focused on whether or not you like him? What if instead of wondering whether or not you should call him, you took note of how often he’s called you and then consider how you feel about that?

Sometimes, women can be so eager to be desired that we forget about the most important thing – our feelings. Yes, it feels great when a guy you’re dating introduces you as his “girlfriend.” It also feels awful when you’ve been dating someone a long time and you’re into him and he doesn’t do that. It feels so terrible that you start googling things like, “Why won’t he call me his girlfriend?” and searching for ways to get him to do that. When really, instead, it’s time to step back and take inventory of the relationship.

The key is to stop worrying about what he’s thinking and focus on what you want. To do that, ask yourself these questions:

How does he really make me feel?

Answer that question from the deepest part of your gut. Think of all aspects of your relationship – not just the fun, sexy parts. Whether the answer is good or bad, if you answer it truthfully, you will know how to move forward based on your feelings.

Does he make me feel wanted?

When a guy is truly into you, you’ll never have to google “Is he into me?” He will show you. That means calling you, wanting to see you, making plans and keeping them. If he doesn’t do those things, he’s not into you.

That’s when you need to stop googling and start walking away. That may sound scary, but you deserve to love and be loved. By walking away, you’ll make room for the right person to do that.

How do I want to be treated?

If you always have to do the calling because he never calls you, ask yourself, “Is this how I want to be treated?” And if you’d like him to call you his “girlfriend” and he doesn’t, you already know you don’t want to be treated that way. So ask yourself why you continue to stay in that relationship.

When you know how you want to be treated and understand your non-negotiables and dealbreakers ahead of time, it’s easier to identify when things are going wrong. Take the time to focus on what you want and on what does and doesn’t work for you. When you spot those red flags, move on.

Is he okay with disappointing me?

If you don’t want to be treated in a particular manner, it’s up to you to say something. If you explain how you are feeling and his behaviors don’t change, then you know he’s okay with disappointing you.

It doesn’t matter if the guy you’re dating has no problem backing out of plans at a moment’s notice or if he’s famous for saying he’s going to call and then disappears for days. If he doesn’t do what he says he’s going to do, he doesn’t care if he disappoints you.

It’s never okay to settle for someone who doesn’t care if he disappoints you.

Am I living my own life?

This may be the most important question of all. If you find yourself worrying about what he thinks all the time, chances are, you’re not living a fulfilling life. When you feel good about yourself, your friendships, other relationships and overall life, you won’t waste time obsessing over someone else’s thoughts.

If you find that you’re focusing on the person you’re dating more than you focus on yourself, you may want to take a look at what’s really going on. Is it possible that you’re filling other voids in your life by creating relationship drama? What do you really need to work on?

In order to attract healthy, happy people, you have to be happy and healthy yourself. If you have self improvement to do, do it! There’s nothing more attractive than a confident, content you.

What about you? When it comes to dating, how do you focus on yourself and doing what’s best for you?


  1. Lindy

    December 2, 2014

    I used to worrying about what guys were thinking all the time. It made me crazy! I’m way more laid back about dating now. I think if you put too much pressure on a situation, it will never work out.

    • fdadmin

      December 2, 2014

      Hey Lindy! Thanks for commenting. Good for you for not letting bad brain talk make you crazy. Bravo!

  2. Katwesha

    October 11, 2016

    This is article is so beautiful. You wrote words (of life changing) wisdom! I am eternally grateful to you an I will pass this article on to my daughters. For it is the truth… Thank you so much!

    • fdadmin

      October 11, 2016

      Thank you for commenting Katwesha! We’re so glad that you enjoyed the article.

  3. Sammy

    April 1, 2017

    Love all your comments,
    I have a situation that I was massaging a guy for 5 year, at that time he was married, his wife got cancer after 8 months died, during her cancer he had cancer but was on chemo,
    So when he starts his chemotherapy I went to visit him at his home because he was not allowed to be around to many people, so I use to text him to see if he needed anything or he was ok,
    so he was asking me to come for dinner practically once a week for 5 to 6 months, then he was cancer free, he wanted to kiss me and I refused because I new him as a therapist and as I friend, as time went on he said he would really like to sleep with me, but just as friends, I said I’m looking for a serious relationship, so an older lady told me not to be silly, go for it, have fun, life is short, do I did, bigger mistake, cuz this went on for almost 2 years, he would text once a week to see if I’m available on the weekend I would say ok, we see each other for that afternoon till the late evening have a great day together then won’t see him till the falling week,and that’s how it was always, and know I really like him, so I made a stop to it by saying I need a serious relationship, but the funniest thing is he looked so devastated, the week later I text, them during that week he text, then I text again about something I wanted to say to him, he text me back, but know for the last 2 weeks I haven’t heard from him,
    He was honestly from the beginning telling me he only wants to be friends. So it was my fault.

    • fdadmin

      April 1, 2017

      Hi Sammy! Thank you for commenting. About it being “your fault” – don’t be so hard on yourself. Since it takes two people to do what you two did, it’s not “your fault.” You learned a lot. You learned that you don’t want to be someone’s friend with benefits and that you want a real relationship and that you’ll no longer settle for a situation like that. And that’s a good thing. So, it was not an easy lesson to learn, but it ensures that going forward, you’ll do what’s best for you and tolerate no less. Good for you for walking away and making space for the kind of relationship you deserve!

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