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Stop Looking for “The One”

Somewhere along the way, romantic hopefuls everywhere came up with the idea that for every person, there is one perfect match. You know, “the one.” And that when that perfect match comes along, we will know it.

Like the prince who climbed Rapunzel’s hair to free her from that prison tower. He just knew she was “the one.” But how did he know? Was it butterflies? Chemistry? Or just a knowing ache in his soul? Was it that feeling we experience when we meet someone new and everything seems a little brighter? When you can’t wait to be with that person again and your stomach flips as you kiss and you can’t keep your mind on work or anything except flashbacks to being with that person?

You know those feelings, right? They’ve happened before. But wait…wasn’t that person, “the one”? What happened to that person? Then why didn’t it work out?

The confusing thing is, all those feelings feel real. They are intoxicating symptoms of infatuation and falling in love. And they are awesome.

But mistaking those feelings for evidence that someone is “the one” is dangerous. Because those feelings fade. Six months or a year in, things become different. You’re no longer rushing home from work to tear each other’s clothes off. You stop seeing that person through a sexy, dreamy lens and start noticing that the person you’re dating leaves clothes all over the floor and never does the dishes.

You start wondering where all those awesome, sexy feelings from the beginning went. You wonder why you don’t feel them anymore. That’s when you start thinking, “Maybe he or she isn’t the one. If he or she was the one, I would still feel that way, wouldn’t I?”

And that’s where things get dangerous. Because by believing in “the one” you create an excuse to bail. But by leaving to go find “the one” who will always stay perfectly, amazingly sexy and never ever annoy you, you may miss out on some pretty great people.

You will sabotage yourself. Because that perfect love with that perfect one doesn’t exist. And if you spend your life looking for it, you’ll never enjoy loving someone and being loved. That doesn’t mean you should settle for just anyone. It doesn’t mean you should not look for someone who satisfies your wants and needs. It just means that nobody is perfect. And putting someone on a pedestal of perfection will only lead to heartbreak.

So when the butterflies fade and your partner’s snoring finally gets on your nerves, ask yourself if that person’s good qualities outweigh the annoying ones. Ask yourself if the person treats you well. If he or she is honest, kind, and open with you. Ask yourself if this person is worth choosing to love.

Because that’s what love comes down to – making a choice. You choose to love someone, dirty dishes, snoring and all. You choose to make that person “the one.”


  1. Kelly90210

    August 4, 2014

    But I like the idea that there is one special person for each of us. Like on Friends. He’s your lobster!

    • fdadmin

      August 4, 2014

      Yes, the lobsters! There’s another example of “the one.” We don’t mean that there isn’t a special person for everyone, we just mean that you have to choose to make it special. Unfortunately, it’s not just magic. ;)

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