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The Top 10 Reasons You Aren’t Dating

sad girl

A Fantasy Dater recently told me that she decided to get in the game after she’d realized she had gone a year without going on a date.

“How does that happen?” She asked. “How did I end up going a whole year without a date?”

“There are tons of reasons why we fall into a pattern of not dating,” I said. In fact, there are so many that I decided to write them out.

Here are the top 10 reasons you’re not dating. Do any of them describe you?

1. It’s easier not to try.

Hey now, the couch is comfy. Real Housewives can totally suck you in and what in the world is better than ice cream? Dating. Dating is better than ice cream. Getting to know someone new, finding out what he or she likes, and feeling that moment when everything clicks is better than staying home and couching it. But let’s face it, it’s easier to stay home than to try.

2. You’re lying to yourself.

You tell yourself you’re happy alone. That being alone is great because you can do what you want, when you want and how you want. And while that’s true and being alone some of the time is amazing, being with someone you’re crazy about is also amazing. Ask yourself which is more amazing. Then don’t believe your own lies.

3. You make excuses.

“I’ll start dating when work slows down.” “I’ll start dating after I lose 10 pounds.” “I’ll start dating after I save up some money.” Sound familiar? These are all great excuses to not date. Stop making them.

4. You’re angry.

Yes, you’ve been hurt. And even though it was a long time ago, the minute you start thinking about it, your pulse jackhammers and you’re instantly transported back to that moment when that person sliced your heart and left you there to bleed. It’s like it was yesterday, even worse – five minutes ago. And even though you try, you just can’t let it go.

Well, here’s the thing – you have to. Harboring anger towards someone who hurt you in the past doesn’t hurt them. It hurts you. You staying suck in that moment doesn’t affect that person. That person is probably in another relationship, moving forward, while you’re anchored to something they don’t even think about anymore. Don’t let your anger control your destiny. Let it go.

5. You’re lazy.

Ouch? Did that hurt? Well, sorry, but it’s true. Dating takes work. If you want to find love, you have to be proactive. Lucky for you, awesome tools like online dating, speed dating and Fantasy Dating can help you meet other singles and get your date on. But you have to work at it.

6. You’re scared.

That’s okay. We’re all a little scared of dating. Nobody wants to risk getting rejected, but think of all that you stand to gain if you just ignore that fear and dare to date. What’s the worst that could happen?

A person you date may not be into you. That could hurt. But if you think of rejection as the universe making room for the right person to come to you, you’ll move on.

7. You don’t want it badly enough.

Stop shaking your head thinking we don’t know you and what you’ve been through. You’re right. We don’t know you. But we know people. When people really want something, they will do everything possible to get it.

People will dig up that extra $100 for that party dress. People will work an extra job to buy the car they always dreamed of. People who really want to date and find love will do it. They’ll set goals to go on a certain amount of dates and to attend a certain number of singles events. They’ll use their tools and they’ll get in the game.

8. You believe The Bitch.

You know that little voice that says, “No one is going to want to you”? It’s lying. Don’t believe The Bitch. Not even for a second. When you hear her whisper, tell her to shut up.

9. You like misery.

Wait, you don’t like misery? Then why else would you not date?

10. You’re in your own way.

If any of the reasons listed above sound familiar, you’re in your own way. So take a couple steps out of your comfort zone and decide to dare to date.

You’re worth it.

xoxo,

FD

Comments

  1. loonie

    May 21, 2013

    OMG! All of the above, but I am getting braver!

  2. My Dating Hangovers

    January 29, 2014

    I’m really trying NOT to add another reason to this last but damn, it’s tough out there. I think something else that might explain why some can go so long without dating is because they have settled. Maybe the occasional use of a friend with benefits is all they really need.

    • fdadmin

      January 29, 2014

      Hey My Dating Hangovers! Thanks for commenting. I agree that people settle. It can be easy to get comfortable. After a while, it’s easier to just spend your Saturday nights on the couch with Ben and Jerry. But if the ultimate goal is to love and be loved, you have to take action! Love isn’t going to come knocking on your door. Unless you invite it over. ;)

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