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What Happened to Real Dates?

Feedback from our 20 something Fantasy Daters is revealing an unsettling trend. Instead of being asked out, ahead of time, on a real date, a lot of girls are getting ambiguous texts from guys at odd times.

Don’t get me wrong, a text is a text. You’ll still get your two points. But receiving, “Hey, I’m at Bar X,” at 10:00 on a Friday night is not an invitation to join him. An invitation to join would be, “Hey, I’m at Bar X. Would you like to join me for a drink?”

So, what is that text? And what’s a girl supposed to do with it? A lot of them respond with, “Have fun!” or something like that because if they dash off to meet a guy at 10:00 PM, what does that say to the guy? Here are some guesses.

“She’ll drop anything for me.”

“Wow. She wasn’t doing anything? Maybe she’s a loser.”

“She totally wants to have sex with me.”

Regardless of exactly which one he’s thinking, all three of these thought patterns aren’t good. And they’re definitely not going to get girls any closer to that real date.

But the question is, is that just the way the Millennials are dating? Is that what 20 something’s should settle for?

Because we’re all about empowering you to build confidence and take chances, we don’t believe you should settle for any of it. If you want to be romanced and taken to dinner and plays, ask for it. If you like being given flowers, don’t settle for midnight texts. Let guys know you’re not going to run to whatever location he randomly announces via text.

But all of this is hard when you’re worrying about whether or not he likes you. So instead, shift your focus to figuring out whether or not you like him. From the moment you meet him, set the bar high. If he really likes you, he’ll rise to meet it.

Are you experiencing something similar? Or are your dates planning ahead?




  1. Regina

    February 25, 2013

    Dudes who do that are lame. I don’t want booty calls. I want a boyfriend and real dates!

  2. loonie

    February 25, 2013

    Yes! It is all about whether or not I LIKE him! We are just making contact. The rest is TBD. Oh yeah!

  3. LuciousLush

    March 4, 2013

    I like this idea of setting the bar high for HIM to rise to – it really takes the pressure off ME!

  4. My Dating Hangovers

    January 13, 2015

    Here’s what stood out the most in this post: “Feedback from our 20 something…”

    This kind of stupidity doesn’t end with the 20 ‘ s or even 30′s, because I just had a 45 year old inbox me “Wassup, wuts gud”. Sadly, the ways some men invite a woman out are just as bad with older men.

    I think the approach all depends on the maturity of the man and his objective. If he’s just looking for something to do or a possible booty call, then we’ll see “let’s hang out” or “do you want to kick it” type messages at the last minute or late at night.

    This isn’t to say there aren’t some guys out there still making effort to plan, but it sometimes seems like the majority put forth little to no effort.

    • fdadmin

      January 13, 2015

      My Dating Hangovers, thanks for commenting! Although we’re disappointed to hear that men of all ages are texting last minute and expecting women to be thrilled. Cheers to the planners! :)

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