He’s a little dark, slightly dangerous and ridiculously sexy. On some late night, he’ll finally allude to that mysterious thing that makes him the way he is. He won’t tell you everything about what drives him to brood the way he does. But just enough to suck you in and make you think you might be the one he’ll finally confide in.
But then he’ll disappear, while your head spins you into a constant state of woozy wonder and you’re left alone, missing him…
If this sounds familiar, hopefully, by now, you’ve done the work to realize that bad boys are not some amazing, dreamy guys who just need the right girl – they’re just bad. Not bad people, just bad for you to date.
If you’re not convinced, the next time you start dating a dark, brooding bad boy, ask yourself:
What about the scenario sounds fun?
If it sounds dark, depressing, heavy with past baggage and ultimately, completely confusing, it is
. Remember what Maya Angelou says, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Bad boys show women, right away, that they are conflicted. Conflict is not fun. Why would you want to get involved?
Why would you want to have a relationship with someone who is showing you he’s not capable of moving forward in a healthy way?
Trying to change a bad boy is a near impossible, frustrating feat. Even thinking you might be the one to shift his darkness to light is setting yourself up for constant disappointment.
Why am I attracted to this person?
If you’re magnetized to bad boy after bad boy, you might want to take a look at yourself. Sometimes in our adult relationships, we attempt to heal damage from our formative years.
For example, let’s say you grew up with a dad who came in and out of your life whenever he felt like it and disappointed you often. As an adult, you may be attracted to unavailable bad boys because that’s the kind of man you know. And even though you don’t like being disappointed, you may gravitate to those scenarios because they’re familiar. And subconsciously, you may feel like if it works this time
, all the pain from your father’s behaviors will disappear.
So the next time you feel the pull of a bad a boy, take a minute and think about why you might really be attracted to that person. The truth might just diminish your urge to go there.
Why do I think a bad boy is the best I deserve?
Really take some time to think about this. Why would you feel like a conflicted, broken person is the best you deserve for a partner? Why do you think you’re not good enough for someone who is happy, healthy and likes himself?
When you love yourself, you won’t settle for someone who doesn’t love himself. Sometimes, the work is not about changing the bad boy, but changing how we feel about ourselves.
So, do some self help or work with a coach
or therapist to become the best possible you.
Meanwhile, if you’re in a relationship you feel iffy about, here are some tips to help you decide when to stop dating someone
What about you? How do you feel about bad boys?